A Journey into Authentic Desires and Self-Discovery
This topic has been a source of endless conversation in my household and now with all of my clients: "The Want." It's a concept that seems simple on the surface but carries profound implications for how we live our lives. The idea behind it is something that resonates with many of us, especially as we navigate the complexities of adulthood, responsibilities, and our deepest desires.
The Birth of "The Want"
This conversation was sparked a few years ago during a night out with a close friend. Our friend shared an idea he encountered through a career coach: "You do what you want." At first, this statement seemed almost too simplistic, even a bit dismissive of the realities of life, especially to my husband, who embodies the loyal and sacrificial nature of an Enneagram Six.
But the more we unpacked this idea, the more we realized its depth. It's not just about doing whatever you feel like doing in the moment; it's about understanding the choices you make and the underlying desires driving those choices. Even when it feels like we're sacrificing something, we're still acting on what we want at a deeper level.
The Layers of Wanting
Think about it: every decision, whether it's mundane or monumental, stems from a place of want. For example, if I want to take a relaxing bath, but my children need attention, I might put the bath on hold. It's not that I don't want the bath; it's that my desire to care for my children outweighs my desire for relaxation in that moment. This realization reframes our actions—not as sacrifices, but as choices based on what we want most deeply.
But there's another layer to this. Sometimes, we tell ourselves we want something when, in reality, we want the idea of wanting it. This is where the concept of "wanting to want" comes in. You might say, "I want to be a runner" or "I want to get my real estate license," but if you’re not taking steps toward these goals, you have to ask yourself: Do I really want this, or do I just want to want it?
The Fear Behind the Want
Often, what holds us back from pursuing our true desires is fear. Fear of failure, fear of change, or fear of the unknown. It’s easier to keep our dreams at arm's length, to maintain the hope that someday we’ll achieve them without actually taking the necessary steps. This "circle of hope" keeps us in a state of inaction, where we can dream without risking disappointment.
But true fulfillment comes from moving beyond the "want to want" stage and stepping into action. It means facing our fears, challenging our limited beliefs, and committing to our desires with all our energy and heart. Whether it’s pursuing a new career, making a major life change, or simply deciding to prioritize our well-being, the key is to align our actions with our true wants.
Practical Reflection: Identifying Your True Wants
So how do we identify our true wants? It starts with self-awareness. Ask yourself why you make certain choices and what you’re really seeking in each moment. Are you working long hours because you genuinely love your job, or is it because you’re avoiding something else in your life? Are you indulging in unhealthy habits because they bring you joy, or because you’re using them as a distraction from deeper issues?
One of the most powerful exercises is to imagine living out your wants. For example, if you think you want to move to a different state, go down the rabbit hole—research houses, explore the area, envision your life there. Often, this process will reveal whether it’s something you truly desire or just an idea that sounds appealing on the surface.
The Spiritual Side of Wanting
From a spiritual perspective, understanding "The Want" is about doing the inner work to uncover your true desires. It’s about moving past societal expectations, self-imposed limitations, and the roles we’ve been conditioned to play, especially as women. As we dive into this work, we start to recognize that we always have a choice. We do what we want, consciously or unconsciously, and the challenge is to bring that awareness to the forefront.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Authentic Desires
At the end of the day, "The Want" is about embracing our authentic desires and living in alignment with them. It’s about giving ourselves permission to pursue what truly matters to us, even if it means confronting uncomfortable truths along the way. As we continue to explore this concept, both in our podcast and in our lives, I encourage you to reflect on your own wants. What do you truly desire? And what steps are you willing to take to turn those desires into reality?
Remember, the journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and each step brings you closer to living a life that’s fully aligned with your deepest wants. So, dive in, explore, and most importantly, be honest with yourself about what you really want. The answers might surprise you, and they might just lead you to a life that’s richer, fuller, and more authentically yours.
Listen to the Soul Spot podcast on this topic https://open.spotify.com/episode/4CturWHm4rcEUrurfvgXwo?si=mmiJHI8IS1Sf3Vx24xnlEg
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